<TITLE>18. Par 24-24</TITLE>L-24 Well, that's just about the attitude. But strange that that... Then I got, after my conversions, and so forth, on down, later on down in life, after my conversion got started, then it kept getting worse and worse, and it got so bad on me, I'd pray, and say, "O God, take this thing away. I don't want to see it no more, never. God, I'm a Christian now. I belong to You. Please, don't let that thing happen to me again. Don't show me nothing like that, Lord. Just let me go like I am now. Please let me just study the Word like I'm taught to do here, and study the Word." But It would continually come.
And one day, I come home, and taken off my coat, was going around the side of the house. There was a man setting out in front waiting for me, my piano player from the tabernacle at Jeffersonville, her brother. He said, "I'm going up to Madison, this afternoon, Billy. Would you like to go with me?"
I said, "Nope. Can't go. I got to patrol." And I said, "I can't go." I was patrolling on the high lines then. And I said, "I can't go." And I started around the house, and as I started around the house, seemed like whole top of them trees, right there, Brother Ryan, where you and I knelt to pray, came down like that, and I almost fainted. I fell back on the steps, and I stopped there. And I thought, "Hmmm!"
My wife run out, she had some water. She said, "Are you fainting, honey?"
I said, "No." I said, "Just a moment."
After all... He was... He come running in, Mr. Gibbs, then he went on back again, went on back to his place. And I said, "Go ahead, I'm all right."
So she said, "What happened to you? Did you get sick?"
I said, "No, honey. It's that same thing again." I said, "Look, I've got seventeen dollars laying in there. I'm going to have a showdown with God. I'm tired of this. I've got a place where I'm going up here at Green's Mill." Where many of you know where my hiding place, where the FBI couldn't find me, back in a cave, where I go. I go there when things gets bad, and I settle it with God in there.
I went back up into a place there, a little old cabin where I used to stay when I used to fish, and hunt, and trap back there. I said, "Meda, I don't know when I will return home. I can't tell you. I maybe home in a... two hours; I may be home in three days. I may not be home for two weeks or two months. I don't know when I'm coming home. But I'm tired of this. I can't live a prisoner."
I said, "Everybody's telling me, I'm going... that I'm a devil, and so forth like that, by that, and me trying to live a Christian life. And in my heart I love--love the Lord Jesus and expect to go home to heaven. And I don't want to be plagued like this."


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